Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
