I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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