first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
