Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
