Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
