I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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