You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
i think i just lost a toe
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
