I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
