i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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