1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
