Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
