he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
