i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
