I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
