You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
