i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
they're like a gay fantastic four
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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