I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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