Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
