so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
