rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
