if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize