Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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