My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
