were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
