her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize