dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
