You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
