We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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