lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The best revenge is premature balding
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
