You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize