I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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