Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
