We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
