I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize