craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize