you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
