i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
