I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
