the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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