Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
