I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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