My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
