First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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