walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
