Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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