I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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