Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
