listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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