Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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