Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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