I think I died a long time ago.
i would punch a child for taco bell
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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