it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
