I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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