So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
