your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Another day, another engagement, another cat
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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