I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
