No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
