I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
