Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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