K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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