She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
