On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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