Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
