atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
