i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
