I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize