.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
