i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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