the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
