i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
