ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
