From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize