I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
