dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
In other news, I just burned my penis
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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