Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
