The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
