My liver just broke up with me...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
