Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize