her vagine was all disorganized.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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