I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
