Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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