thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
