So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
