that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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