He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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