Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
