I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize