She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Randomize
