Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
