what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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