Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize