There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
