when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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