Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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