so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
