No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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