I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize