He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
